Informing Children of Divorce

Are you having problems with your spouse? Are you already thinking of divorce? The law on divorce varies from state to state. There are countries that are liberal in allowing divorce, there are countries that require a certain dictum to allow divorce and there are countries that do not recognize divorce in anyway.

Whichever the case may be, there is one thing you need to consider before filing for divorce, the children. I am not saying that if you do not have children you can file divorce unthinkably. No because there are requirements and preparations including the IRS, support and properties.

However, if you are having irreconcilable differences with your spouse or he is involved in an extramarital affair and physically abusive, then by all means file for divorce. However, before you do, please tell the children. They should know and should be given the opportunity to ask questions.

This is to avoid confusion on their young minds. This may also avoid them from thinking that they are the reason why you are separating or divorcing. They need to understand because if you feel that your issues are hurting you, I am sure they are hurting more than you do.

No child would feel good seeing their parents argue and curse each other.

The difficult question is how to tell the children.

Child psychologists recommend the following:

Discuss and agree with your spouse the arrangement about visitation rights, pickup and sendoff including children occasions. Discussing this issue before the family meeting will avoid blaming and arguing in front of the children.

Tell them you have problems and these problems are irreconcilable in nature. Tell them that you are divorcing. Assure them that they are not in anyway to blame with the problem and that you discussed the issue for a long time before you finally decide to file for the divorce. Please talk to them appropriate to their age. If they bombard you with questions, be patient. They ask questions because they want to understand.

Assure the children that there is no such thing as divorce between children and father or mother and that you already planned how they will be taken cared of after the divorce. Tell them in a language they will understand the plan you set on Step 1.

Assure them that on their important occasions and even school activities you will be present and please, when you commit to be present. Make sure you will be present or your children will be most hurt.

If you must discuss with them how the process of the divorce goes. Invite question and answer those questions patiently.

Both parents needs to be talking, do not allow only one of you talking because a parent being quiet sends them a message that one is not agreeable to the matter at hand.

After a few days, you may invite them again for a meeting for them to discuss how they feel, what they are thinking and what they want. They may ask questions again and please, you need to answer them sincerely and patiently.

If you feel hurt, they will feel it too in two-folds. Make sure that you explain in all instances that they are loved by both of you. Do not talk ill about your spouse with your children. No child ever wants to hear ill words against any of their parents.

Divorce is ugly in more ways than one. However, if this is the last resort you have to gain back your self-confidence to be able to face the future. Do so with caution. Do not allow yourself to be a victim because you do not want to hurt your children. Always remember that whatever decision you make you consider them part of it.

No blaming, just move on and have a life. Your children will feel better if they see you are taking it cool.