Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Not infidelity but an ED

Do you feel frustrated? He does not make love to you anymore? Are you feeling unattractive and taken for granted? If you are like me, you would have run to your lawyer’s office, filed your divorce application and packed you bag. Later on, I find that this decision is wrong.

I know how you feel, the fire has gone, he is probably doing it with another and surely, he will file for divorce anytime from now. You think that you might as well file it ahead of him just to save your face? I definitely understand how you feel.

However, I regretted my decision. I never knew there was a problem. I never cared; he does not like me anymore, might as well find love outside.

It is not infidelity, it is an ED. Erectile dysfunction, a subject men hate to talk about because it is an attack to their masculinity. The problems is that it would not stand anymore.

Because men are too ashamed to talk about their inefficiency, they often ignore invitation for a night rendezvous. Men go home late and intoxicated. This however is not because he met with another woman; it is because he does not want to try anymore. He is often frustrated if he failed to satisfy you. He will not dare try it again because he feels humiliated.

If your husband is having this problem, please do not file for divorce; help him by accompanying him to the doctor. This is a serious condition because almost 70% of erectile dysfunction cases in the United States are due to health problems. Some of the erectile dysfunction cases brought to doctors are linked to major health problems like diabetes, heart disease, vascular disease and other degenerative diseases.

Do not ignore erectile dysfunction, this can be something serious. Additionally, if it is just psychological your doctor is also the person to ask. He can give you treatments that will bring back the fire in your relationship.

Do not file for divorce, check the source of the problem and try to remedy the problem side-by-side with your man.

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Josie P. de Dios is a freelance writer with tons of articles on health and travel published both online and in print. She is also the author of an e-book on Antioxidant entitled “Be Healthy for Success”. View some of her work at http://josie.dedios.googlepages.com/, www.travelwriters.com/josie_dedios and www.writing.com/authors/josie_dedios.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Informing Children of Divorce

Are you having problems with your spouse? Are you already thinking of divorce? The law on divorce varies from state to state. There are countries that are liberal in allowing divorce, there are countries that require a certain dictum to allow divorce and there are countries that do not recognize divorce in anyway.

Whichever the case may be, there is one thing you need to consider before filing for divorce, the children. I am not saying that if you do not have children you can file divorce unthinkably. No because there are requirements and preparations including the IRS, support and properties.

However, if you are having irreconcilable differences with your spouse or he is involved in an extramarital affair and physically abusive, then by all means file for divorce. However, before you do, please tell the children. They should know and should be given the opportunity to ask questions.

This is to avoid confusion on their young minds. This may also avoid them from thinking that they are the reason why you are separating or divorcing. They need to understand because if you feel that your issues are hurting you, I am sure they are hurting more than you do.

No child would feel good seeing their parents argue and curse each other.

The difficult question is how to tell the children.

Child psychologists recommend the following:

Discuss and agree with your spouse the arrangement about visitation rights, pickup and sendoff including children occasions. Discussing this issue before the family meeting will avoid blaming and arguing in front of the children.

Tell them you have problems and these problems are irreconcilable in nature. Tell them that you are divorcing. Assure them that they are not in anyway to blame with the problem and that you discussed the issue for a long time before you finally decide to file for the divorce. Please talk to them appropriate to their age. If they bombard you with questions, be patient. They ask questions because they want to understand.

Assure the children that there is no such thing as divorce between children and father or mother and that you already planned how they will be taken cared of after the divorce. Tell them in a language they will understand the plan you set on Step 1.

Assure them that on their important occasions and even school activities you will be present and please, when you commit to be present. Make sure you will be present or your children will be most hurt.

If you must discuss with them how the process of the divorce goes. Invite question and answer those questions patiently.

Both parents needs to be talking, do not allow only one of you talking because a parent being quiet sends them a message that one is not agreeable to the matter at hand.

After a few days, you may invite them again for a meeting for them to discuss how they feel, what they are thinking and what they want. They may ask questions again and please, you need to answer them sincerely and patiently.

If you feel hurt, they will feel it too in two-folds. Make sure that you explain in all instances that they are loved by both of you. Do not talk ill about your spouse with your children. No child ever wants to hear ill words against any of their parents.

Divorce is ugly in more ways than one. However, if this is the last resort you have to gain back your self-confidence to be able to face the future. Do so with caution. Do not allow yourself to be a victim because you do not want to hurt your children. Always remember that whatever decision you make you consider them part of it.

No blaming, just move on and have a life. Your children will feel better if they see you are taking it cool.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Children and Parent Divorce

Family is the basic concept of the community and in the eyes of a child; family must not separate in anyway. This is one crucial part in separating spouses who has children that may be affected by divorce or separation.

Child Psychologists believe that parents needs to consider their children when thinking of divorce or separation.

Any laws on marriage, even divorce has keeping the family intact as its core. However, if keeping the union detrimental to the parties involved, then divorce may be inevitable.

In order to help you manage your relationship with your children and the process of divorce, Child Psychologists’ advice the following:

1. Never argue or bad mouth your spouse in front of your children. Children will never want to hear negative things about either of their parents.

2. Before, during or even after the divorce process, parents need to attend important occasions involving your children. This will help avoid confusion in the mind of your children.

3. Depending on the child’s age, you may need to explain the reason for the separation or at the very least discuss with them how you will still be around when they need you. You may also discuss visitation schedules and keep your promise to show up during pick up and drop off.

4. Ensure that you will make every time with your children as active, lively and fun for them. Movies, sports activities and even exercising may be fun if you and your child do it together.

5. Always reassure the children how both of you love them, and that whatever conflict that transpired they have nothing to do with it.

Considering their feelings and making things easy for them will help your children deal with the pains of divorce and separation.

Finally, the most important thing to do when you undergo divorce and separation process is to take care of yourself. Your children will feel that if you are ruined after the divorce or separation, they will feel doubly hurt.